


In the Name of The Father (Lord Forgive Me)

by ponfarts



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Priest Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 19:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5597608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ponfarts/pseuds/ponfarts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James T. Kirk finds faith in the corruption of Father Spock, and it is by no means Holy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Name of The Father (Lord Forgive Me)

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, and I revised it a bit from the first version I had posted. But this is the end result of a seriously sinful conversation with my fellow Twitter Sinners.

James T. Kirk was not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination. He claimed no church as his own, and actively avoided anything that even broached the subject of religion. He wasn’t against religion, but there was a part of him that just didn’t understand it. He couldn’t wrap his head around the absolute faith people had in things that they couldn’t see or touch. He was, in every sense of the phrase, an “I’ll believe it when I see it” person.

That isn’t to say that James Kirk wasn’t a faithful man. In the times when he couldn’t escape the topic of religion, he could be heard explaining how he placed his faith in the universe. “It is the only constant that exists” he would say. For him, the ever expanding and shifting universe was something he found comfort in. “She’s going to do whatever she wants,” He described to his friend Leonard once. “When my time comes and the universe decides that my number is up, then that’s it.”

To add to his tumultuous relationship with religion, he’d only ever been to church twice in his life. Once when his mother married his step-father, and again at her death. He saw churches as drafty and ancient places, full of secrets and suspicion. The way voices echoed off the stone walls and the candle light threw shadows into odd shapes often made his skin crawl.

Churches had never been a place of comfort for him.

~*~*~*~*~

“Say five Our Fathers for you penance,” The priest tilted his head slightly to look at the young woman sitting on the other side of the booth from him. He eyed her through the thin grille with a close gaze. He made the motion of a cross toward her. “Go in peace.”

The woman gave a small nod, wiping her eyes on the cuff of her sleeve. “Thank you, Father.” She pushed the door of the confessional booth open and stepped out, closing it softly behind her. The priest waited in silence for a few minutes, listening to the steady tick of his watch count out the time. When no one else entered the booth, he rose from his seat and pressed a small switch on the wall next to him. Outside, a small red light on the top of the booth turned off.

He exited the booth; his long, black robes trailed gently behind him. He straightened up, clasping his hands behind his back and walked slowly through the wooden pews that stood adjacent to the confessional booth. When he reached the center walkway, he turned right, moving toward the front of the church. He paused in front of the main altar and gazed up at the painting of Jesus Christ that hung above it.

“Pater noster, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum.” He crossed himself as he spoke the Lord’s prayer, first gently touching his brow, then the center of his chest, and finally to the right and left of his heart. His voice, though soft, reverberated off the walls of the church.

“Amen.”

~*~*~*~*~

Jim stood in front of a full length mirror, adjusting his tie yet again. He tightened it up around the collar, loosened it, tightened it again, then smoothed it out against his shirt. His hands were a bit sweaty and he had to resist the urge to wipe them on his pants.

“Would you relax?” Leonard stepped around the mirror, adjusting his own tie. “You’re acting more nervous than I am, and I’m the one who’s getting married.” Jim rolled his eyes at his friend as he came to stand behind him, both examining their appearance in the single mirror.

Jim huffed, dropping his arms to his sides. “I am relaxed,” Leonard gave his own eyes a roll.

“You’re as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” This gained a scoff and a small smile from Jim. “Listen, Jim,” Leonard laid his hand on the other’s shoulder, looking at him directly in the mirror. “I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jim turned to face Leonard. “I’m honored to be your best man.” Jim gave an honest grin and clapped his friend on the arm. “It’s not everyday that your best friend gets married.” Jim reached around Leonard to a side table, lifting up a small flower. He pulled Leonard closer and pinned it to his lapel, adjusting it until it sat straight up.

Leonard’s eyebrows crept up towards his hairline. “Even though you’re about to crawl out of your skin just by being in this church?”

“A small price to pay for the ones you love.” Jim smiled gently, catching his friend’s eye. “Now, we have a wedding to get to. I don’t think Jocelyn is the type of person who wants her wedding to start late.”

Leonard gave a hearty laugh. "I do believe you’re right.” He took one last look at himself in the mirror, then nodded. “You have the ring?” Jim gave his chest pocket a quick pat in affirmation. “Thank you.”

“Alright, quit stalling,” Jim turned Leonard around and pushed him toward the door. “Let’s get going. Your soon to be wife is waiting.”

Both men shared a laugh as they left the room, Jim closing the door behind him. They walked down the hall side by side, with Jim tossing his arm around his friend’s shoulder. They wove through the meandering halls of the massive church until they entered into a small side room. The sound of polite chatter drifted through the open door toward them. Jim took a quick glance into the sanctuary. His eyes wandered over the people who currently populated the pews. Many he knew, friends both to himself and Leonard from work. Others he didn’t, such as Jocelyn’s family.

He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. It wasn’t the people that made him uncomfortable, but the ornate and myriad of religious artifacts that adorned the church walls. The high vaulted ceilings created an array of shadows that twisted and contorted Jim’s view and the stained glass windows casted broken bits of multicolored light on the walls and floor. He scanned around the room once more, his brow creasing as he examined the interior.

But when his eyes fell upon a solitary figure standing in front of the crowd, he froze. A priest stood before the altar. His black hair was cut cleanly and he held his shoulders back with poise and ease. The white collar around his neck stood out in stark contrast to his black robes. Around his neck was a rosary which glinted in the light of the room. He held in his hands a bible, which he was leafing through slowly and steadily, his long and slender fingers turning the pages with ease.

Jim hadn't realized it, but he’d been holding his breath. He let it out, rather audibly, which caused Leonard to turn and arch his brow. “You alright?” Jim tore his eyes away from the priest, noticing the concerned look on his friend's face.

“Wha-... Yeah, I’m fine.” Jim ventured a glance back towards the altar, but the priest had his back to room now, arranging something on the altar.

“You better be,” Leonard patted Jim on the back, a little harder than what would have been comforting. “I really don’t want to have to resuscitate your ass because you fainted during my wedding.”

Jim gave a hearty laugh, turning to Leonard. “Do you really think I’d embarrass you like that?”

“Do I need to bring up the incident at my bachelor party?” Leonard looked at him with a mildly scathing look.

“That was not my fault, okay.” Jim played off Leonard’s gaze with a shrug. “That bartender was really heavy handed.”

“So you’ve said.”

Jim turned to face Leonard fully, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He looked his friend over. Leonard had been Jim’s best friend since they met while they were both in still school. Leonard was in the home stretch of med school, and Jim was halfway through working on an aerospace engineering degree. They’d met one night during a rather vicious finals week when Jim was scrambling to find a place to study when he stumbled into a private study room that, at first glance, he thought was unoccupied. However, when he quickly pushed the door open and switched the light on, he learned that it was in fact occupied.

Leonard had been sprawled out on the floor, dozing atop a pile of medical journals with a pen still held in his hand. The door bumped his foot as Jim entered and he sat up, a note card stuck to his forehead. After a quick exchange of words, Jim managed to convince a sleepy and disgruntled Leonard to let him study in the room with him. Looking at Leonard now, in his suit and neatly combed hair, the days of cramming for finals and skipping out early on Friday lectures to go drink at the local pub where memories of a distant past. Now, his best friend, the closest person Jim had to family, was starting a new chapter in his life.

And he couldn’t be happier to be there for him.

“Would you wipe that smile off your face? You’re starting to freak me out.” Leonard chuckled as he cast a sideways glance at Jim.

Jim was about to respond when he was interrupted by the priest. Neither Jim or Leonard had heard him approach. He stood just a bit taller than Jim, and his hands were folded neatly in front of him. His face was relaxed and his dark eyes shimmered in room's dim light. Jim felt his heart skip in his chest, like that terrifying moment when you miss a step and think you’re going to fall. The priest noticed Jim watching him, and turned, arching a perfectly tamed eyebrow. Jim's chest went tight at the same time that a swarm of butterflies appeared in his stomach and his mind when blank.

“Hello, Gentlemen.”

“Ah, Father Spock,” Leonard held out his hand, which Spock took with a strong shake. “It’s good to see you again.”

“The same to you, Mr. McCoy.” Spock turned to Jim, extending his hand. “You must be the best man.”

Jim blinked. “Uh,” Jim’s brain was like a car stuck in the mud, spinning its tires. His brain was registering the priest’s hand, but he couldn’t make himself respond. Numbly, he managed to extend his own hand and shake Spock’s. “Kirk, Jim Kirk.”

“A pleasure, Mr. Kirk.” Spock folded his hands back in front of him. “I believe it is about time to begin. If you would both like to take your places, I will let the bride know.” With a polite nod, he stepped around both Leonard and Jim to exit the way they had entered.

Jim watched Spock leave, noticing the way his body moved. Steady and tall. His heels kicked up his black robes as he walked which swished softly over the stone floor. To Jim, he almost glided across the floor. His jaw went slack and he let out a tiny little “ _oh no_ ”.

“Jim, you coming?” Leonard was standing in the doorway leading into the sanctuary. Jim was still looking to where Spock had just been. “Earth to Jim,” He turned around to look at Leonard. “You look like a deer in headlights.”

“God must have really put some effort into that one,” Jim said plainly, turning to look at his friend.

Leonard blinked as he stared at Jim. “It’s an honest miracle you aren’t bursting into flames right now.”

Jim snorted with a grin. He joined Leonard at his side. “Come on man, let’s get you hitched.

~*~*~*~*~

To say that Jim was a little distracted during the ceremony would have been an understatement. Jim did his best to stay focused. He had to admit, it was a beautiful ceremony. Leonard teared up, Jocelyn was as beautiful as ever, there was applause… But throughout it, he couldn’t stop himself from glancing toward the priest. His broad shoulders were straight and even, and he held the bible in his right hand with practiced ease. He smiled to both Leonard and Jocelyn as he listened to them read their vows, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

Jim wasn’t sure if Father Spock noticed his glances; if he did, he didn’t let on that he did. Throughout the ceremony, the Father’s attention was solely directed toward the bride and groom. After, when Spock had pronounced Leonard and Jocelyn husband and wife, and they had walked back down the aisle to the applause of their friends and family. Jim lingered behind, still standing at the front of the sactuary, clapping, as the newlyweds exited. Jim tempted a look back to the Father. His hands were clasp behind his back, and he was watching Leonard and Jocelyn with a gentle smile.

Just as Jim was about to turn away, thinking Spock simply didn’t notice his gaze, he turned and met Jim’s eyes straight on. Jim felt a shiver run from the base of his skull and down the length of his spine. The Father tilted his head quizzically, blinking slowly. Jim swallowed hard, stopping mid clap to return Spock’s gaze. He thought for a split second that he should look away, but he couldn’t make himself follow through. Jim saw Spock’s lip twitch up into a small grin just as he turned away.

Jim was about to follow when he felt a hand on his elbow. “Jim, come on, the reception is going to start in a minute and you have to make the toast.” He looked down. It was Sulu, a friend of both Jim's and Leonard's. “Everyone is already headed out in the garden.” Sulu stepped down, letting go of Jim’s elbow to join the crowd that was now filing its way out the double doors of the sanctuary. He hesitated, looking back to where Spock had been standing, to find that he was no longer there.

Taking one more, lingering glance back, he stepped down to follow the others outside into the small garden that was joined to the church. Leonard had talked at length about how Jocelyn practically begged to have the reception there because the Hydrangeas reminded her of the ones back home, in Georgia. By the time Jim joined the party outside, everyone else had already found their seats. He wove his way through the tables to take his place next to Leonard.

“Eyeing the religious artwork?” Leonard leaned back in his seat, shooting Jim a half-hearted judgmental stare.

Jim pulled out his seat and plopped down next his friend. “Bones, I may be having a religious awakening.”

Leonard had been taking a sip from his water when Jim spoke. At Jim’s response, Leonard snorted into his drink, causing it to spray up. He sat his drink down and wiped his face, trying to muffle his coughing. When he had regained his composure, he looked up at Jim with a glare so stern that anyone else would have quivered underneath it. “If I weren’t in a church right now, I would tell you that you’re going to Hell.”

Jim laughed. “Your location has never stopped you from reminding me of that.” Leonard rolled his eyes.

“I would warn also you to be careful, but I know you’ll probably just disregard it.”

“And you would be right.”

Leonard turned to Jim, resting his hand on Jim’s arm. “Seriously Jim, I know you. You better be careful. Priest take their lives seriously, and their faith even more so. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Jim put on an affronted guise. “When have I ever done anything stupid?”

Leonard sat back, crossing his arm and letting his face go blank.

“Okay, point taken.” Leonard kept his steely gaze on Jim. “Alright fine,” Jim lifted his hands in surrender. “I won’t do anything overly ridiculous," Jim thought for a second. "or blasphemous.”

“I hope so,” Leonard smirked, reaching over to take Jocelyn’s hand with a smile. “I really don’t want to have to find a new church.”

After Jim gave his best man speech, which much to Leonard’s surprise was very heartwarming, everyone started in on dinner. Following dinner was the dancing. Jim stayed long enough to see Leonard and Jocelyn share their first dance. He couldn’t help but smile when he noticed the way Leonard’s face light up while he danced with Jocelyn. A group of elderly ladies swarmed around him during the father-daughter dance, and he had to all but pry himself away from them. 

He searched the crowd for Leonard. He spotted him chatting with Sulu and Chekov on the opposite side of the parquet dance floor that hand been laid out in the garden. He thought about joining them, but decided against it. He desperately wanted some space, so he snuck out through a side door and disappeared back into the quiet of the church.

He was strolling through a deserted corridor, the only sound being that of his dress shoes scraping against the stone floor. Despite the usual discomfort he felt in churches, he felt relatively calm. He stuck his hands in his pockets as he walked, and his eyes examined the intricate architecture.

He hadn't been paying attention to where he was walking, but he soon found himself back in the main entrance of the church, just off from the sanctuary he’d been in not long before. He stood staring into the empty room, eyeing the stained glass windows and decorative altar. Normally, he would have passed by it without a second thought, but something prompted him to take a closer look. He walked slowly through the large wooden doors, passed empty pew after empty pew, until he was standing before the main altar, looking up at a painting of Christ.

“You do not go to church often, I am assuming.”

Jim started at the voice, his heart rising in his chest. He spun on his heel, looking for the voice. Off to his right stood Father Spock. He was placing small candles on a raised platform, switching out unlit ones for those that had been burned down completely.

“Uh,” Jim fumbled to find his words.

Spock smiled softly. “There is nothing to be ashamed off.” Father Spock placed the last candle in its holder then brushed his hands off. He walked toward Jim to join his side, looking up at the painting contently.

“Who said I was ashamed?” Jim shifted slightly, finally regaining his composure. Jim noted that Spock was no longer wearing the rosary around his neck; it was instead, woven in his hands which he held behind his back.

“It is easy to recognize when someone is not accustomed with religious practices such as mine.” The Father flicked his eyes sideways, catching Jim’s gaze. “Thus, it was easy for me to gather that you are one of those people.”

“And what makes you so sure of that,” Jim couldn’t help the slight hitch in his eyebrow. “Father?”

Spock turned in place, facing back toward main doors. “For instance, you did not bless yourself when you entered.” Jim felt his face flush in embarrassment. Spock noticed immediately, chuckling in response. “Fear not, it is a common trait among those who do not routinely practice.”

“And here I thought that might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and send me straight to -”. Spock cleared his throat, cutting Jim off before he could finish his sentence. “Oh, right, sorry... “

Spock gave a small hum, narrowing his eyes. “So, tell me Mr. Kirk, do you have faith?”

Jim didn’t answer right away. He was a little stunned by the question, but more confused as to how to answer. Suddenly, his faith in the universe seemed a lot more like hogwash in the face of an ordained Priest. Spock waited patiently for him to answer, his face unreadable. Jim took another glance up at the painting that hung above him before answering.

“I’ve never really had much faith,” He gave a small shrug. “Not in the way you do at least. But,” He paused trying to find the right words. “I believe that the universe has a plan for me. She’s in control, and I’m just along for the ride.”

Jim hadn’t been looking at Spock as he answered, but when he finished, he turned to the Father to see his reaction. Spock was watching him closely, a small crease present in between his eyebrows.

“I must say,” Jim saw Spock’s lip twitch up in a small smile. “That is an interesting belief.” Jim blinked, his mouth parting slightly. “You seemed rather shocked at my response.”

“Well,” Jim gave another shrug. “I was kind of expecting you to say something along the lines of ‘God understands your beliefs’ and what not.”

Spock laughed gently. “While it would be my within prerogative to do so, I can assure you Mr. Kirk that I am not the type of priest who would try to affect your beliefs.”

“Hm,” Jim looked Spock over, shifting his hands once more into his pockets. “I’m starting to like you, Father.” Spock clasped his hands behind his back, straightening up. 

“And you can call me, Jim.”

~*~*~*~*~

Jim pulled his collar up against the wind, hunching his shoulders to try and curl up into his own warmth. His phone buzzed in his chest pocket. He stopped under an awning, out of the way of the bustling street crowd. He pulled his phone from his pocket, glancing at the message preview flashing on the screen.

[From: Bones, 17:41 PM]  _ Drinks tonight? _

He shifted the phone into his left hand and raised his right to his mouth to pull his glove off with his teeth. He groaned as the cold bit at his fingers. He typed a quick reply.

[To: Bones, 17:43 PM]  _ Raincheck? Omw to church. _

He hit send and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Jim put his glove back on, rubbing his hands together to warm them up as he stepped back out on the street. There was plowed snow along the sidewalk, and patches of ice dotted the cobbled stone pavement. His phone started ringing in his pocket. With a groan, he took his phone back out, followed by his glove. Jim tapped the green answer button, raising it to his ear.

“Did I read your text wrong or did you say you’re going to church?”

Jim sighed, side stepping a patch of ice. “Hello to you too, Bones.”

“Seriously, Jim. Church? When was the last time you went to church?”

“Your wedding,” He stopped at a corner, waiting for the street light to signal him to cross.

“That was in April.” Bones retorted.

Jim followed the crowd across the intersection when the signal changed. “And now it's December, what's your point?”

Bones was silent on the other end of the call. “You’re going to see that priest again aren’t you?”

Jim smirked, holding back a laugh. “What can I say, I have some sins to atone for.” He hung up the phone, despite hearing Bones yelling on the other end.

It was a week until Christmas and the main street in town was decorated to fit. Jim passed storefronts that had their displays dressed up with tinsel, ribbons, and all other manner of decor. He smiled softly. Jim had always been fond of Christmas. He was one of those people that looked forward to seeing his friends and to going to parties. To Jim, Christmas really was the merriest time of the year.

Now, Jim was climbing the steps to the same church where he attended Leonard’s wedding. He stamped the snow from his shoes at the door before pulling it open and stepping inside. He was welcomed by a wall of warmth, shivering as the cold began to creep out of his body.

The sound of a choir drifted through the open doors to the sanctuary. He pulled his gloves from his hands and stuffed them in his coat pocket as he walked forward. He dipped his fingers in the font to the right of the door and crossed himself as he entered. Since that day he spoke to Father Spock, Jim had made an effort to remember to bless himself before entering the sanctuary. He’d been back a few times since the wedding. The first wasn’t completely by his choice. Jim had gotten a call about two days after the wedding to let him know that he’d accidentally left behind his suit jacket.

When he went back to pick it up, he had to weave his way through the halls of the building until he found the Father’s office. Spock sat behind his desk, bent over some papers working when Jim walked up. He knocked on the door lightly to get his attention. The Father looked up at the sound with a smile. The two talked for a while; Spock joked about giving Jim’s jacket to charity before realizing it was his. Jim couldn’t help but smile as they spoke, his eyes searching Spock’s face.

Now, Jim stood just inside the sanctuary doors, listening to the choir with a small smile on his face. He took a seat in the nearest pew and folded his hands in his lap. It wasn’t long before he noticed Spock, standing just to the side of the choir, watching them sing. Almost at the exact same time, Spock turned and met Jim’s eyes. He felt a shiver run up his spin. Spock nodded to the director, and started down the center aisle. Jim debated on standing, but he before he could decide Spock was nearly at his side.

“Evening, Father.” Jim grinned up at him with a smile.

Spock tilted his head to the side. “Jim, this is a pleasant surprise. I have not seen you at service lately.”

Jim felt his face flush. “Too much of a good thing, I suppose.”

Spock hummed with a nod but there was a trace of a smile on his face. “Would you care to take a walk with me?”

Jim blinked. “Sure,” He stood and followed Spock back out into the main entryway and then left down a separate corridor. 

“I must say, Jim, you are one of the most interesting patrons that this church has seen for quiet some time.” Spock said with a glint in his eye.

Jim chuckled. “How's that?” He recognized the hall in which they were walking. It was the same one that led him to meet Spock for the first time, only now this time they were walking in the opposite direction, heading toward the garden.

“For instance, I have never in my years at this church seen someone come to service who neither practices my faith nor believes in my God as much as you.”

“What can I say,” Jim shrugged. “I like the priest.” He glanced to his right to catch Spock’s reaction. Jim noticed that he looked a bit conflicted by the small crease that formed between his brows. “Does it bother you that I’ve been coming, despite my lack of… faith?”

“Not at all. We are all God’s children and I encourage those who seek him out.”

Despite Spock's words, Jim couldn't help but feel like there was something more to what he meant. They passed through a set of doors that opened onto a covered pathway beside the garden. Jim hissed as the cold wind hit him. Spock seemed not to mind other than having to adjust his robes which had gotten disturbed by the wind.

They walked slowly along the path, admiring the snow that lay untouched and pristine. Jim glanced to Spock as they walked. Even in the dim lighting of the garden, Jim could make out the features of Spock’s face. The sharp edge of his jaw, the ridge of his nose. He admired the features of Spock's face until he turned, causing Jim to flick his eyes away.

“Have you had a change in faith, Jim?”

Jim was a little stunned. “That’s a rather personal question, don't you think?”

“I am merely making an observation based on the behavior you have developed. I mean no disrespect, of course.”

Jim took a deep breath, trying to decide how he wanted to answer. Spock watched him closely as he waited for Jim's response. 

“I’m not sure, really.” Jim stated. “I used to find places like this creepy and uninviting.”

“A fair statement.”

Jim laughed in response. “But now I’ve developed a new appreciation for it all, I suppose.”

“But you still place your faith in the universe?” Spock raised his eyebrow.

“It's the only thing that's never done me wrong.” Spock nodded, turning to look back out over the garden.

Jim shivered as the wind picked up. “Aren’t you cold, Father?”

“On the contrary, my robes are quite warm. But I do suppose we should head back in. I have some paperwork to attend to before the night’s end.”

They turned to head back the way they came, but as they did Jim moved to walk on Spock’s right, closest to the edge of the pathway. His foot slipped on a patch of ice and he lost his balance. Spock reached out to grab him, but Jim’s weight and gravity pulled them both down to the ground and into the snow.

Jim landed with a huff on his back and Spock landed on top of him, the snow crunching under both of them. The snow was already beginning to seep into Jim’s clothes and cool his back when he opened his eyes to apologize and saw Spock so close to his face that their noses were nearly touching.

Jim’s heart stopped then accelerated in his chest, sending a wave of heat up his neck. Jim could make out little specks of gold in Spock's eyes, and a faint line of freckles that ran across the bridge of his nose. Spock blinked, and Jim could have sworn he felt the brush of eyelashes against his cheek. His own eyes flicked to Spock’s lips.

He wanted to… No.

Bones voice echoed in his head. _ "Priest take their lives seriously, and their faith even more so." _

Jim bit his lip. He started to speak but before he could, Spock was standing up. Spock reached down to help Jim up. Jim stammered out an apology, brushing the snow from his clothes. His face was still flushed when he casted his eyes toward Spock.

He too was brushing the snow from his robes, but his hands were shaking slightly.

“Father I,...”

“Do not worry, it was an accident.” Spock looked up. For the first time since Jim had met him, he looked unsure of himself. He only half met Jim’s eyes and the usual composed tone to his voice wasn't there.

“Well, I should get going. Have a good evening, Jim.” Spock was already turning on his heel before Jim could respond and he was out of sight before he even moved.

“Oh man, I’m going to hell.”

~*~*~*~*~

Spock had returned to his room. He changed from his cold, snow soaked robes into in a plain pair of pajamas. He debated on finishing the paperwork on his desk, but when he sat down and struggled to make himself focus, he quickly gave it up. He knelt to say his nightly prayers, and then climbed into bed. He welcomed the warmth of the blankets with a sigh, and was asleep almost immediately. But his sleep was anything but peaceful.

He tossed and turned, tangling himself in his blankets. Images of tangled limbs and writhing bodies flashed in his mind. He moaned in his sleep, gripping at the sheets. Sweat slicked flesh and hands roaming over taunt muscles, almost if grabbing for life. He turned over in his sleep with a small groan and curled in on himself. Lips pressed against his neck and hands roamed over his abdomen. 

“ _ Jim _ …”

Spock sat up with a start, panting. He looked around his room in confusion. The warmth he felt in his abdomen was still there, making his skin burn. He threw off the covers and stumbled into his bathroom. He washed his face in cold water to cool his skin. His heart was still beating in his chest as he looked at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed and there was water dripping from his face. 

His wiped the water away with his hands, slicking it back into his hair which was stuck to his forehead. He had been trying to ignore the growing tightness at the base of his spine, but he couldn’t anymore. It was like an itch he needed to scratch. He reached down, between his legs, touching his erection through his pajama pants with a relieved moan. He held onto the images from his dream as his palmed himself through his pants

He was in the process of slipping his hand under his waistband when he stopped himself, pulling his hand out and gripping the sink counter so tightly his knuckles went white. He let out a small curse as a feeling of guilt began to fill his chest. He washed his hands and face one more then returned to his room, kneeling next to his bed.

“Heavenly Father, forgive me of my transgressions. It is to You I devote myself, and to You alone. I feel myself being lead astray by my earthly feelings.” He paused, resting his chin against his folded hands. “I pray that You show me guidance in this struggle and I ask for Your patience as I struggle with these personal demons. Amen,” He crossed himself and climbed back into bed, this time falling into a dreamless sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

Jim had created a rut in the snow in front of the church. He checked his watch; it read  _ 18:40 P.M.. _ He hadn’t slept much, and it showed. He was wearing the same clothes he'd worn the night before when he visited the church, and there were the beginnings of dark circles beneath his eyes. Spock laying on top of him played in his mind all night. His hair had a light dusting of snow in it and his cheek were flushed. Jim couldn’t get the image out of his mind. He thought about how close he had been, how red his lips looked from the cold…

Jim shook his head and pulled his jacket around him, trodding through the snow to sit on a bench. He wasn’t exactly sure why he had come to the church. He’d left shortly after Spock disappeared back inside, embarrassed and freezing from the snow. He hadn’t meant to slip and pull them both down, but in the moment, he was grateful for it. That is, until the Father hastily pulled himself away and left. 

He looked at his watch once more.  _ 18:45 P.M..  _ There were fifteen minutes until Confessional was over. He muttered under his breath. “Fifteen minutes to atone for my sins.” He slumped back on the bench. The sky was starting to cloud over, growing darker and heavier with snow. Jim took a deep breath and blew it out, watching as it swirled about his face before being caught up by the wind and blown away.

The wind parted a small patch in the clouds just enough for Jim to see the sky. It was a dark blue and there was a sprinkling of stars visible. He couldn’t help but smile. “You’ve never led wrong before, so now would be an awful time to start.” Jim put his words out into the universe, just as he always did when he was feeling lost and confused. He pushed himself off the bench and climbed the steps of the church.

He passed through the main entryway into the sanctuary, pausing briefly to bless himself. He eyed the confessional booth from the doorway. The light atop the booth shone red. He quietly worked his way toward the booth, taking a seat in a pew just a few feet away from it. It wasn’t long before the right hand side of the booth opened and an elderly gentleman climbed out. Jim waited until the man passed him before he stood and took his place.

Jim closed the door behind him and sat on the small padded seat inside. He started to speak when he realized that his mouth was suddenly very dry. He cleared his throat and said “Bless me Father for I have sinned; It’s been… uh, a while, since my last confession” Jim paused when he heard the Father shift in his own seat. He glanced through his side of the grille, hoping to catch the Father's eye but he could barely see through the barrier. His voice was unsure as he spoke, afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“I guess I should get right to it then…” Jim shifted slightly in his seat. “I have been having lustful thoughts, Father. One’s that I have made no attempt to stop, either.”

“Are these thoughts about someone you should not be thinking of?” Jim inhaled sharply at the sound of Spock's voice; it sounded faintly strained.

“You could say that.” Jim let out a huff of laughter. “They’re about another man.”

“I see…”

“I think I may be dangerously attracted to him.”

“God does not judge who we love, my son.”

Jim bit his lip. His voice was small when he spoke. “He might if He knew it was you.”

Jim could almost feel the Father tense up on the other side of the booth. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, sitting in the dark of the booth. He began to think that Spock wasn’t going to respond at all and he felt his heart sink in his chest. “I, uh… I guess that’s all, Father.”

“Say five Hail Mary’s for your penance, and go in peace.” Jim heard Spock stand quickly, followed by a small click as he pushed his way out of the booth. Jim sat numbly for a moment before throwing open the door to his side of the booth and stumbling out in his haste. Jim scanned around the sanctuary for Spock as he righted himself. He spotted him on the far side of the room, just passed the alter.

“Father, wait!” Jim started after him, darting through the pews. It took him a moment to catch up with him. By the time he did, they were standing outside the Father’s office. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Father. I just…”

“I am not upset with you.” Spock went to his desk, keeping his back to Jim. “You came to me for confessional, but it is not my place to instruct you on anything other than how to seek absolution.” He leafed through some papers absently.

Jim stepped forward. “I didn’t come to seek absolution.”

Spock sighed, finally turning to look at Jim. His face was gentle, almost sad. “I cannot give you what you seek, Jim. You must understand that. My vows would not allow me… even if I wanted to.”

“Do you want to?” Jim stepped forward again. He was standing about foot away, but still close enough that he could see Spock swallow. He noticed the flush that was starting to creep up from under Spock’s collar as well. Jim flicked his eyes to Spock’s lips, licking his own. 

Spock tried to take a step back, to get distance between them but he bumped into his desk. He was slowly losing his normal composure. He took a shuddering breath as he tried to steady himself. “Jim, please… I would be corrupting myself.”

Jim took another step forward. "You said yourself that God does not judge who we love."

Spock's eyes searched Jim's face. He started to speaking, struggling to find the words to explain himself, but Jim cut him off. He closed the distance between them in an instant and pressed his lips to the priest's. Spock’s mouth parted slightly in surprise and Jim took advantage of it, teasing his tongue against Spock’s lips. He reached up to cup one hand at the base of Spock’s neck, pulling him in closer. Jim was reaching up with his other hand when Spock broke away, panting. His eyes looked scared, but he licked his lips which were already starting to turn a lovely shade of red. Panic started welling in Jim's chest and he made a motion as if to pull away when Spock stopped him.

“Wait,” He gripped Jim’s elbow. For a moment, they both just stared at each other. Jim's heart pounded against his rib cage as silence fell between them. Then, Spock shifted closer to him. He dipped his head tentatively, brushing his nose against Jim's. His mouth parted slightly, but he hesitated, like he was unsure of himself.

Jim followed his lead, tilting his head up to press his lips back against Spock’s, this time much more carefully. He reached up to rest his hand against Spock's cheek, softly rubbing his thumb against his jaw. Spock gave a small hum which only encouraged Jim. He urged Spock backwards until he was almost sitting on his desk. Jim dropped one hand to Spock's knee, parting them so he could wedge his hips between the Father's legs. Spock pulled away to take a breath and Jim seized the moment to tilt his head and press his lips to Spock’s neck, which won Jim another spine tingling moan.

Spock gave a breathy huff, dipping his head back farther and exposing more skin for Jim to mouth at “Jim...”

Jim pressed another kiss to Spock's neck as he shushed him, which caused Spock to shiver. He dropped his other hand from Spock’s cheek to his collar. He wrapped his fingers around the white paper and pulled it from Spock’s black robes, dropping it to the floor. Jim placed a line of kisses from Spock’s chin down his neck, stopping just above where the collar had been.

Spock sighed. “Oh my God.” His hands had been on Jim's arms, but he let them slip lower to his waist.

Jim chuckled against Spock’s neck. “Isn’t that blasphemous?”

“Everything about this is blasphemous, Jim.” His voice sounded serious underneath a husky pant. Spock gripped at Jim's waist, digging his fingers into his skin through his clothes. Spock let out a low growl, gently pushing Jim away. He looked down at Jim, eyes dark and burning. They almost looked out of place against his gentle and quizzical face.

"I'm sorry," Jim looked away, stepping backward a bit. He suddenly felt very out of place. Jim shuffled his feet, opening his mouth to speak only to close it when no words came to mind.

Spock caught Jim's chin in his hand carefully and turned it up. His eyes had softened. "Do not be," Jim blinked in surprise as Spock bent down again to kiss him. Spock's lips were soft and warm, and they fit perfectly against Jim's. This time it was Jim who hummed in pleasure, leaning up slightly to deepen the kiss. Jim's head was starting to swim from lack of breath when Spock finally pulled away. Spock rested his forehead to Jim's, breathing heavily. "Come," his voice was soft as he slipped his hand into Jim's. Spock pushed himself away from his desk and lead them both toward a room adjacent to his office.

“Where are we going?"

Spock’s voice was surprisingly calm as he spoke. “Bed.”

Jim's stomach fluttered at his response. Spock pulled them into the room, turning his back toward his bed as he pulled Jim closer. This time it was Spock's mouth on Jim's neck, and Jim could barely think straight as Spock traced a line of hot kisses across his skin. He regained enough of his sense to push Spock down on the bed when he felt him bump against it. 

There was disarray as both tried to get undressed while still keeping their hands on one another. Eventually a pile of clothes had formed on the floor, and Jim was straddling Spock’s waist. Jim was surprised at what he saw when he helped pull Spock's robes over his head, uttering a small "wow". He couldn't stop himself from rubbing his hands over Spock's broad shoulders, feeling the muscles flex beneath his hands.

Jim busied himself with exploring Spock's body, smirking as he watched the priest slowly coming undone beneath him. Jim traced his hands down Spock's arms, across his chest, and over his abdomen. Spock twitched into Jim's hands, letting out small moans in response. Jim was now bent over Spock, sucking bruises just below his collar bone.

“Jim, please…” Spock squirmed underneath Jim, moaning at the friction on his already throbbing cock.

“Patience,” Jim mouthed at Spock's shoulders, his throat and his chest. He ran his tongue slowly over Spock's nipple, causing him to hiss and arch up off the bed.

"Jim," Spock reached up to tangle his hand into Jim's hair, giving it a gentle tug. " _please_."

Jim smirked as finally slipped off Spock’s waist. He settled between his legs, and Spock rolled his hips up almost instinctively. Jim glanced around him quickly, realizing, embarrassingly, that Spock didn’t have any lube. In place, in licked his fingers, wetting them thoroughly. When Spock noticed, he rolled his head back, moaning. Jim rested one hand against Spock's hip as he pushed one finger pass the ring of muscle, slowly, causing Spock to tense and groan. “Relax,” Jim whispered, bending down to mouth at the inside of Spock’s thigh.

Jim carefully worked him open until Spock was clenching around four of his knuckles. Spock was visibly trembling under Jim, digging his fingers into the sheets. Jim slipped his fingers out, much to Spock’s displeasure and he bent over Spock to give him a quick, rough kiss as he slid into him. Jim shuddered as a wave of heat spread from the base of his spine and up his back. Spock dropped his head away from Jim's lips, letting out a moan that could have finished Jim right there.

“God,” Spock released one of his hands from the sheets, and reached up to pull Jim closer to him, digging his fingers into his bicep hard enough to bruise. Jim arched into Spock with a thrust and he dipped his head to catch Spock's parted lips in another kiss.

Spock's body matched Jim's in time with his thrusts. Arching and relaxing and tensing with every subtle movement that he made. Jim changed the angle of his thrusts, aiming for that sweet spot that would send both men over the edge. Spock let out a curse at the change in movement. He was watching Jim through half-lidded eyes, and his breathing was growing steadily more ragged as he rolled his hips in time with each of Jim’s thrusts.

_ "Fuck," _ The curse sent a shiver up Jim’s spine. It was full want and lust. And coming from a priest, it only drove Jim more wild. Spock took Jim's free hand and guided it between his legs. Jim smirked, and brushed his thumb over the tip of Spock’s cock, slicking precum down his shaft.

_ "Ohhh, God." _ Spock was trembling under Jim, bucking his hips up into Jim’s hand.

Jim timed the thrust of hips with with the pump of his fist and each one gained a chorus of moans from Spock. Jim could feel himself starting to come unhinged. His body felt like it was on fire and every nerve was coming alive. Every sound Spock made was more arousing than the last and everywhere his hands touched Jim sent a shiver up down his spine.

Jim slipped his other hand behind Spock’s head to pull him into a deep kiss. Spock moaned into Jim’s mouth, grabbing at his arms and bucking up roughly. 

Jim felt Spock’s cock twitch, and he pulled away with a gasp. “Spock, oh my  _ God _ …” Warmth spread over Jim’s hand as he thrust into Spock, finally coming undone. He dipped his head, resting it to Spock’s shoulder as he came. Jim rode out his orgasm with another thrust, a shudder running through his body.

Jim pulled out of Spock with a small moan and rolled to the side. He laid still, trying to catch his breath as the last bit of pleasure and warmth faded from him. His limbs felt heavy and too big for his body as he draped his arm across his stomach. Jim’s eyes were heavy, but there was a smile on his face as he turned his head to look at Spock.

Spock was watching him through hazy eyes, his chest rising and falling quickly. He reached up slowly and brushed the back his fingers against Jim’s cheek.

"I made you break your vows." Jim's voice was soft and tired, tinged with a hint of remorse. "I've corrupted you." 

To Jim's surprise, Spock laughed softly. He turned his hand up to lightly touch Jim’s brow, and then his lips. He let his thumb linger on Jim’s bottom lip a moment, and Jim took it upon himself to gently nip at.

“No one is infallible, Jim. Not even Priests.”


End file.
